Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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