I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
