i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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