i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My bed smells like the plague
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
