3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
