I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He has the fingertips of a God
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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