So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
