i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
we should paint friendship bongs
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