jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need to align my fucking chakras
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
