I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
