A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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