Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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