i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
