my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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