the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
