Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
