haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
