i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
