i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
