So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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