That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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