Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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