what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize