While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You don't make any sense
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