But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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