They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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