Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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