I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina is very pro this idea
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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