Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
