Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk is not a location!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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