i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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