Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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