there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
