mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
