Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
