Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize