Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
