i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I believe in your delicious
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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