dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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