A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
