if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
