why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
