I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
