My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
