I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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