Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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