I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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