i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
