dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
