I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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