Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
