dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
