that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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