God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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