Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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