i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
