the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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