I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
