So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
