This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
