Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
