If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
