just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
