singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
