Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
