my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
