its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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