ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
