If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
