Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
