I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
