just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
