Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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