i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
