Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
