Whod you bang
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
