Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Are my feet made of real feet?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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