I puked a lego.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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