I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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