maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
