he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
