i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
