Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
