Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
