This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
